Last month my mother died. I was there when my mom died, I was glad that she wasn't alone and that it was peaceful. She just stopped breathing. Kind of like when you take in a big breath and sigh for a moment and then it's over. We fought like cats and dogs most of our lives together but there was about 10 years when we were both sober and before her dementia really got bad, that we were friends. What a miracle.
She was an interesting and friendly woman, she traveled, she expressed her opinion without fear (one reason we didn't get along as I expressed myself right back), she was smart and she genuinely loved the planet and the environment that we live in. She was a lifelong Democrat, my parents brought me up to believe that everyone deserved a warm, dry place to live, enough food to eat, clothes to wear, education, freedom of expression and healthcare.
I'm not sure that she knew how involved I am with the Master Gardeners Program or that I finally got volunteering as a way to make the changes that I believe in. I hope so.
It was hell watching her die inch by inch as her memory and personality went away. It was hell for her too, she was fiercely independent and long after she lost the ability to walk she insisted she could and tried occasionally to do so. I miss her. I miss her insistence on being treated as a person. I know that sounds strange but in a nursing home-even a good one-the staff and yes, family too, forget that the people who live there are people, not patients (or the politically correct term -residents). Personally I hope I'm dead before I have to share a room with some stranger and have a well-meaning 20 something coming in and checking my diaper. My mom was great, even when the dementia was bad she would occasionally refuse things just because she could. I'm sorry it took so long for her to go, 6 years is a long time to sit around. After she couldn't walk and couldn't read she was pretty depressed and the medical response to that is medication. I don't really think it helped.
I'm a Buddhist and not a very good one because I'm not sure about reincarnation but I do know that she is no longer in pain or in fear. I read somewhere that as long there are people to remember you, you are still around- so maybe if someone writes about you, you're around longer. I'm glad I had the opportunity to know my mother, my life is better for it. As hard as it was for me to admit it we were a lot alike and until I saw that I wasn't able to love her or myself. I love and miss you mom.
